Confess

What is meant by confess? Not just a love thing, is a thing that can keep you, and me, and we alive, because we express, without hiding, true expression, true feelings to the person that we wish to convey to.

Often confess is hard for an Asian, especially a conservative island, like me, never confess to anybody, even my parents, that makes me so much regret now.  Now, I would like to confess here, I like you, You are English, you are the 'him', you are my parents, you are the friends and comrades, you are the person or things I hate. Without you, I could never be nourished and trained in hardships. Always hardship has trained us to be stronger, there is a song singing what doesn't kill makes you stronger. After piles of difficulties, I have survived, THOUGH I get hurt, yet I'm still me, in complete pieces.

English, I remembered last time during my former six, Pn Zarinah my MUET teacher asked me to be one of the candidate in a speaking in-prompt-to test, that time I was so embarrassed as I was the only one who can't speak at all. Since then, I started to watch tv, read news, books and materials, speak often, and now I could manage to deliver smoothly, still, improvements are needed. Thinking back if no shameful experiences, I might keep lying lazy and comfy without rectifying my weaknesses and improving myself from it. Thanks to You.

My parents, I have no gut confess to them, they are kind of conservative, however, is obvious expressed through actions, caring for me, especially when I'm sick, I'm outstation for study, when I've to make a decision. I have always been so pampered, everything had been planned properly for me since young, this is love, a pampered, indulged love that could be never for me to return them in full. I am sorry, dad, for not able to confess to you, this is my deepest regret. For mum, I have no courage to speak either, but I swear that I will take care of you on behalf of me and dad, he wished to bring you to China, right? Let me do it! Confession to you makes me a perfect individual, a person whom dare to express love is a great person, a person that's able to appreciate and knows to value them timely.

For friends and comrades, you are always my supporters and light bulbs that enlighten me during my happiness and sadness, no matter how, I am not a me without you.

For the person and things that makes me suffer, I need to confess to you too, the masters, and the fyp, and the formality culture, you make me savor the feelings of failure, makes me appreciate even more on the happiness, and teach me lessons where those feelings aren't there forever, whatever you faced will passed like flame and we should just enjoy the best we could, never attempting to retreat, just go ahead as you can't escape whatever you have decided, should bear the responsibilities that you make on your own, no one is going to wear second-hand clothes from you, that are all.

For the 'him', I wish you could be my soul mate, since long ago I started to find one, a reliable partner that could make me grow in mutual, induce the feelings of happiness and attainment. He needed to bear same goal with me, in faith and in career, a real and independent, romantic, funny, hilarious man that could never bore me, never left me when I needed him, comfort and encourage me all the time, send romantic cards to me in occasion, share my happiness, try on something that couldn't be done with others, fill our lives with excitement and indefinite sparks that we could never imagine.

Confession is meant for this...