TRIOS

She has leaved, me still here, another she is here too, we are housemates. She is my so-called ah ma, a nice lady like to eat chicken breast, cook like a housewife (where everyone is not cooking), generous (always eat less but cook more, like to share), emo occasionally (stress with works), absence minded (missed this and that, busy thinking of other thing), always give general-president like speech (good everyone), and outgoing (like to follow whomever going out). These are distinct characteristics when I recalled her, a special friend.

She has been known to me in alamanda, where I met her in calling take-away food in yellow cafe. That time, I was in my first year, since then I like to date her for lunch. Then we spoke about student house, she knew more friends, like si jing, chia huay and she had been brought out to meeting more frequently.

Then in forth year of her study, she decided move in student house 1 and stayed with us. She had managed to learn more, and practiced more. She has become a lot more cheerful, agreed by uncles and unties. She has become attentive to other things (cheered by others and likewise being optimistic)

I have ever cried in front of her, she is good listener instead~!

i WOULD DEFINITELY missed MY GRANDMOTHER

Join Amway

I'm not sure this is correct, as this is a business that sell things on friends. I'm not sure will I be expelled or scared by friends, as they might label me as "Amway agent", which I used to stay away from. As we all know, we are at certain degree wish to escape from the direct sale agents as they might sell things, which are not cheap to us, and most of the time, also a reason that make us scare them, is that we are not opt to say no to them, so by the time they offer us things, we just scare to reject and succumb to it, that is the point that we think better we stay away from them, then these things would not bother us.

Today I had been exposed to experiences where these people strive in direct sale market and achieved exemplary status and yield fruitful benefits include free trips, treats and  money in years to come. One of the example seen in a guy which is 1 year older than us, starting to join this business at 18 until now, 6 years in total had achieved DD status with high income, free trips to China and Australia sponsored by Amway. There are other examples as mentioned by Mary that some of them even without high education had achieved high status by working hard in sales business in here.

The most important thing is this is not money minded, but is to help people stay financially independent and realizing the mission to spread the good products to them, promoting these products with your real and down the earth feelings after you have used them, share with people with the expanding business profits and ask them join this profitable business so that to could  make profit together. This is a lifelong career with minimum start up  (90), little by little contribution from each person will make profit big. Mary's mom had me bear on the calculation where the profit that I gained in company is lesser and slower as compared to own-will marketing business Amway where you could work hard and gain more, no bossy control, free time doing, and roll profit fast and many.

The appealing part is I could help people by spreading the idea of making profit together besides could use the products which is environmental friendly, effective and real-to-value to recommend my friends. I hope for one day I could bring mum for tour, sponsor brother study abroad, and buy big house for kosenrufu and big car for kosenrufu, most importantly I have my family to bear. I wish to give them a wealth and fulfilled life, as my return to their kindness and love.

Spilled water to Asus

So damn careless, first time committed to this thing, Asus breakdown when almost graduate, can't it just bear me few more months? I hope really fine with the Asus. Yesterday I brought the lappie for repair to One TJ before we went to dinner at Gourmet Sausage. The Asus repair center man was generous that he brought me to a cheaper shop ask for specs. For real original spec it cost me 400 for LCD, 650 for motherboard, just hope the other shop offered cheaper of these to me. Seriously, I'm now financially ill, and the money just not enough for my internship. Psk~ Thought of using the money to cover, perhaps sustain months for internship, or use for a trip. Things wouldn't come smooth, this is reality. This is a time where I think seriously and hopelessly for financial setbacks.

I'm grown up, as my problem had shifted to adult money mindset. Haha, joking myself out of desperation. I chanted for an hour since I came home last night and chant for the money for repair to be less and more for me to contribute in values-creating things.
Things are so weird and unlucky yesterday. My starbuck tumbler was not tight and water spilled out, though immediate action was taken to remove the lappie and books out, however, I was not paranoid enough, leaving the lappie wet covered. The other thing was the broken of my luggage suitcase. I realized and so shocked about it. What now? I need buy another suitcase? not a chance. Then chia also told me likewise to hers, but hers is smaller than mine. When it broken, I have no idea. When money flies, it flies continually. Later, at gourmet, I used 20 for dinner, I was not intended to order side dish, but mary asked, and I just agreed, cost me another 7 which account for 20 instead of 13. Sad~~ Then we went coffee clinic, Oh my god, the coffee was so nice aroma, I almost succumb and buy cakes or coffee, but no money, restricted!

Today, I am following mary to the amway conference on financial and investment plan. I am not rejecting and not able to this time as she helped me yesterday and I had agreed to attend last time. So hopefully,  I cant learn and enjoy today, with minimum expenses on the supper. My housemates are going to sharing planet today, and I am able to skip that, which means less money spent for chicken steak and might use in mee.

This thing seems trivial, but is bothering me everyday as I need to think how to reject, to accept, to enjoy with MINIMUM EXPENSES, not that I am ill intention to reject, just the purse not appealing. Haha=)

Intouchable

Watched this yesterday and was giving me glimpse of life. Life is short, and may be imperfect, wealthy not healthy, healthy not wealthy, and how these two type of people get in touch with one another in a butler-boss relationship.

Story starts with a boss named Philippe (starred by Francois Cluzet) had put up an interview session getting a servant for himself. He is a wealth, but physically disabled man despite gaining much of the nobility. He had made himself paralyzed from neck to whole body, except the head due to the lost of her wife and the guilty over the 5 times of miscarriage of his wife. He relies on medicine and people to take care of him every move. The butler, rather could be called as a caretaker had been selected among the interviewers whom are mostly educated and hoped for service, money from this job. He, Driss (starred by Omar Sy) is a low-status man whom had just came out from prison and wanted merely a signature to claim for money. He has been taken as he was the one with straight to the point person, with good sense of humor, loves music and lack of ill-intention although he had been investigated secretly by the other servant. 

These two type of person is totally different in economic status, as well as characteristics. Philippe is a tolerable and well-tempered man, while the Driss is a bad-tempered and violence man. However this encounter had made them changed, Driss infect the man to be spontaneous, out-going and shifting the taste of art from bored music (classical) to dancing music. Philippe once brought Driss to gallery and starred at a picture for an hour (described as a nose blood spurring picture) and bought it for 450000 dollar. Driss has learnt that art could bring money and he eventually tried out painting for once and gained 110000 dollar which was sufficient to his living. The real reason of the old man upon selecting and reliable towards Driss is that he pays no sympathy to the old man and is treating him as normal person who even occasionally jokes on him. Driss brings a spur to Philippe's life, introduce him smokes, massage, car racing, and most importantly the life partner (pen-pal) by making them on a date while Philippe exposed the man with art, classical theater music, and parachuting.

The two man cast in this movie had taught me that despite the incomplete condition that one may have in life, we need to enjoy and be contented. Sometimes we need bad influence to neutralize the old-fashioned and disciplined life, which I had lack of this spontaneous spirit. Despite the story line, I was amazed by the smile of these people, especially the Philippe (Franchois Cluzet), he was so handsome, gentle and well-played in the emotion aspect, even with only face acting he was suffice to kill me~!

For this life ever, I wish I could try on parachuting and experience an exciting event in my life^^

Broke up 

My friend to be exact is roommate, she broke up with her boyfriend, a man whom I knew, my senior. He is type of man whom I think needs passion and consistent caring, while this girl is cool and calm. These two people aren't that match (I felt) and yet I delivered the blessing to them since they started together. I was shocked when the man told me about he started loving the girl, and had given much efforts to be with her. About the girl, she is calm, cool and talented, she speaks less, but knows a lot, she learn things fast, mostly from Facebook and social nets. She had common interest with the man that is they love songs, and music.

Just now from her, after the post-broke up dialogue, he had even criticized her, what a gentleman, he don't deserve respect in this point. I felt terribly sorry and sad for my friend, whom had think so long, suffered so much when the man try to get the relationship, I felt so terrible, that is why I am not confident to commit relationship, never last long, not economic and time wasting. 

10 months is the limit, my sis's case and her case, 10 months is suffice to see the weaknesses and see whether both could adapt to the respective lifestyle and type. Better late (test longer) than sorry (broke hearts). This is a precious lesson I have learnt from this, not only this, and that too.

Luckily she is ok, she is a tough girl and could see things clear, but she can't change her bad habits such as lazy, not assertive, last-minutes person. Despite that, she is indeed an information hub where she knows things from internet and have endless interest in culture and arts. 

This is she, my roommate^^ May her next relationship be blessed and she would definitely get a better man.=)

X-men: Days of future past

This movie was not my interested movie, thought of going for Godzilla, who knows my friend had already bought for all of us. After dinner, went to this movie, apparently I was not so energetic, I went asleep at the middle of screening.

This movie cast by Hugh Jackman,  a flexible man whom able to fatten and slimthen himself into different body sizes to different movies. He is so muscled-built, and he played as a Wolverine in this movie, out of boring, he didn't been assigned any loving or kissing roles in this movie. Fan Bing-bing, a Chinese actress, also starred in this, which she managed to squeeze 3 lines (not more than 5) in total, she had amazing power of putting open-door to transcend to different time space. And more girl, named Jenifer Lawrence, played great role in Hunger game, had starred as Mystique (a blue lady) where she able to camouflaged into someone and killed them. Two masters were involved where one able to influence one's mind and another master grown up with the Mystique whom moves things using supernatural power. An actress Ellen Page, whom played Juno(the pregnant lady) was also starring this film, as a girl whom enable time travel, bring back Wolverine to past age where 1973 to prevent events that lead to changes of mutantkind. The professor, Trusk, played by Peter Dinklage was an arrogant scientist that had developed Sentinels and wiped out humankind by competition in years later, he is obviously the key that needed to be changed to sustain livelihood of human and stop Sentinels.Sentinels are designed to exterminate the human as human bear mutant genes.  And one young man whom move blindly fast, Peter Maximoff, appeared in X-men comics.

The story line was begin with the supernatural power played by the X-men and the bringing back of Wolverine to past time to stop the murdering of Trusk by the Mystique and finally enable Mystique not to be captured due to the murdering and not letting her gene to be reverse engineered to develop formidable Sentinels, meanwhile, the Trusk was captured and his Sentinels program was not been approved.

Such a simple to understandable movie,simple movie and gained likes among the people.

All is well


Killed my presentation and report draft , have completed the FYP which suffered for 4months and ended with dignity and fruit filled ! Felt little boring and lost direction even though still have one assignment to do, but this is not all, lemme finish my drama and movie first, I learnt things such as learning is about passion and about discovery, simply put what u learn is what u Teach how u feel and how you react! The way of learning should be enthusiastic and unstoppable! Like the three idiots !

Missing it badly

This is a place for me to splash the shits and bad feelings out. I had been busy with project which had drove me crazy for few successive sleepless night, I guess I'm metabolically an old lady now >< for these few days, starting from last week, we were busy preparing presentation in front of lab seniors and with dr Edmund. That week since we were working on the calculation, slides, compiling the gel pictures and many grammar checking. It was a tense but not so tense as compared to gel days, now this week is the final report submission  period where most of my time also been allocated to do the project, check and edit. That itself is an never ending story, you were doing when people are not and still doing when everybody does, so interesting.

Felt grateful to this period. That was the most challenging period in my uni life, consider second hard time after primary school period where academic things, lecturers and seniors are the factors
 that determine my happiness. Felt blessed instead of ego, felt fulfilled insted of suffered, felt challengable instead of being threaten or teased. They are good. At least they are not pointing ur back, they made us push through the harsh time troubleshooting problems and make us be ready to speak, present and think.

I'm thinking maybe this is the jodoh meeting these great people and make me learn more. If I ain't choose this title this supervisor and this lab, my life would be easier but then I will regret of not being participate in this such inducive environment that trigger critical thinking and not being able to enjoy the status of being with a good prominent supervisor. They are outstanding although they imposed a strict image and aura to us, but at the end of suffering for two sem, I would rather conclude it a grateful encounter rather than a disaster meeting them.

And many thanks to Mary whom had bear with me as especially during my emo-time where I kept quiet and might be impatient sometimes. Jialee also a nice and patient person as she always be approachable and reachable, while I was hiding at my work and pay reply them after I have done with it. Priya has lots of courteous word where the way she speaks was so nice, so helpful and intelligent. Her smile melts a man heart!

Thanks dr e whom is like a grandfather where he showed patience and suggest solution to us when we bother him. He is definitely likes to share and righteous humble and generous! His lab members no comment, Kherlee is good, helpful outgoing open minded and had efforts to train us to speak good do good, Stella is great person in writing, speaking and do research. Everybody does good, even people from other lab, thanks to them (thean sin, Leong, abang GE, and a white tall guy from MB).

Loving somebody older

I don't deny that once I had in love with a mature guy, and I felt that mature guy is ok for me because he is financially stable and emotionally well managed simply also because he is equipped with car and house. The most important thing is he treated you good, your sis good and your family good. Plus  he is a Soka member, a soon-2-be leader that is down to earth, passionately persisting in kosen rufu. I had witnessed his passion in sharing Buddhism and joyfully giving encouragement. He is indeed a trustworthy man, a near to perfect guy with good hygiene and disciplined diet, a healthy and saving man!

But the problem is now my sister kind of having real disaster with an old guy whom is 31years old, a cycle older than her, and the point is she is just broke up with her bf likewise to the old guy too. Ok, maybe it's rude to call him old guy but he is not young to my sister, by the way there is no mean of offense. And it happened that this guy without acknowledging my mother had brought out my sister to other place until late night, even with his position as a Soka member. This is not a good model where there are rules to bring home a YWD before they go back too late at night. This has worried my mother and friends around. It has becoming serious till extent of we need to monitor their progress and warn the both parties indirectly to prevent things get worsen. This is not a blessed relationship where the age had differed so greatly.

To somebody that u love you have to grab it and do it fairly, take the opportunity and make it success=)

These two days

Yesterday was the biotech dinner, held at the Kuching Banquet restaurant. Was performing in the dance MY MY from Korean group, and was being introduced to sing on stage. There were happy, awkward and yet excited moments that couldn't be forgotten. Imprinted in my memory forever~~

There were Asuka, Carlmond, Snow, Jialee and me performed on that night, we grouped under the name of "Last minute" which was true, since there were only 2 days of practice. Though we had learnt and recalled smoothly the steps, however, the minute on the stage was different, it is always the case, where being at stage, the mind started gone blank and you have totally no idea what's next step. Oh My God, there were we, just proceed and danced with no united steps, each dance individually, lack of synchronization. The most awkward was not other than I wanted to split and i just realized i have made a huge sound that prone others think someone fell down. Silly and funny~, worst is that it was my idea, yet I was not confident to do so, and were moving it slowly plus the emotion was bitter. Okie, done with this story.

Next is the singing. I had no idea why Kaith wanted to ask me go join LaiLing sing on the stage. Luckily I was able to persuade Jennifer and Amber went on stage along and sang in a group of four. There were two songs sang by us, the Chinese song was not nice for me, because I was not able to see the screen clearly, and the English song was better compared to English song because at least I could see. Thanks to Lailing and both of them, we made it. The most exciting and touched part was that there were five men went on stage to give us flowers. Oh My goodness, was too sweet~!! i LIKE THEM MOST=)

The night was a celebrity night for me, many wore nicely and elegantly, was a great night where Dr E made a peas when capturing pictures with us, he even introduced us selfie, unbelievable~! Those pictures were so gorgeous (being all of us smiled so sunshine-ly). I believed I had made a great effort in dressing and took many pictures with friends too. Although Im not a picture taking person, but I managed to be appeared in pictures which is not bad for me, Thanks wow~

A day before that was a Ponggal night where all of our IHMG lab people were attending that, due to Indian friends of us. Thanks Priya for the henna and lengha, I had been commented that I wore like a princess, Mary was a Bollywood star and Jialee was simply pretty~!! Our seniors were undoubtedly nice and gorgeous too, a blessed night for us. The food was less, but we enjoyed it. Nice overall. Thumbs up for the Indians, who had to wear these heavy sarees and custom dresses, the earrings and necklaces were simply heavy and breathtaking.

The conclusion for this week: these days I had done a lot of make up on my face, my face look pale and hurt, but I had gained lots of experiences and journeys that made up exciting pages to my life. I love it=)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

This phrase hit me once I done crying, walking back to faculty. This is a bad day ever that I had failed to get results of RE digestion. The bands are faint what else I should do if I was not allowed to do pcr? This is freaking damn bad!! I can't proceed without pcr u know?! Could I change supervisor or lab or seniors? Omg now it was too late thinking on this. I have tried to extent of tired to strive and struggle for results, que sera sera, but if so how am I suppose to hand in reports without data? How to make thesis thick enough?

This is driving me crazy cause I failed! I am useless! Once I was the top in the lab, now I was the worst I suppose. I was so afraid of presentation terribly ! Omg~~ but I never lose hope, hopefully I can get good one tomorrow=)

Seeing people happily go to lab and back from lab, enjoy their holidays by going back hometown, going to eat and catch up movies, what are we now? Where are we now? We are so frustrated that even we work harder than those around us, even we tried so many times with same and adjusted condition, things aren't going better either.

Most guiltily we still have to entertain and bring engaged to seniors' outings even we hmwushed not to. They are kind by the way, just that they are not considering much on our progress and emotion, just wish they could be more comprehensive to us.

These days we don't dare to enjoy so much, rather we spent time to troubleshot problems and figure out what should be done in circumstances of things running out. We have to be resourceful and not to waste too much of reagents and do it wisely.

There are things to be improved since then and until now. If we could work separately and learn independence in working rather than waiting for each other and doing all together, then would the results be better as the badge contamination could be prevented, and somebody is actually at more outside condition to see things clearly. We have strong team spirit but sometimes we worked dragged and too dependable on each other. This is the things that I would like to improve for all of us but have to work smart=)

Choice

Missed this blog so badly, I am so engaged in lab work recently. Yesterday we had a meeting with Dr E and masters. We all discussed on the progress, which we had been dragged so far behind as compared to others' progress. We had failed in cloning, were gone through troubleshooting by using another badge of Laix plate which likewise couldn't give blue colonies, checked back ligation products which sadly indicates that the ligation of vector and insert did not take place. We also doubt on the competent cells' quality as they were produced since 2008. As a whole story tells here is that we are not confident of our result and skills anymore. Dr E and masters, undoubtedly were rather disappointed, although they did not really show the face to us. Dr E is so kind, that he manages to comfort and give neutral comments which makes us feel warm at the particular moments. Sooner after that, back to masters, they are the ones throwing all bad words and push us to reality. This is them, this is our lab,our work. After all, we are still the one be responsible to our FYP.

After the meeting, we had a small sub-meet with Stella, which she said she would help us to do the project now. First heard of this, we suppose this act is to the extent of their frustrated act. They could not bear it anymore, as they themselves are working pretty fine to get results with no errors, and we just out of ideas, could not generate data in the so long trial period. What would be the problem? And now, we have her to help us, what should we feel? Happy or sad? If she manages to get results, means our human error is the factor that cause the failure of us all the time; in contrary, if she could not get results, we will be discouraged and disappoint. I have ever experienced it, even Kherlee helped me, I still have one naughty gene, which insist not showing up all the while.

Are we too weak? Why are we so miserable? My roommate, CH she will finish her project soon in one more week, two more steps. I always think of how nice if we choose another titles, we could have steadily advanced through stages to get results already, like her, like Dr Leaw's lab.Next time, the advice to juniors of taking FYP, please choose your lab, your masters, rather than your supervisor and the titles. Titles of interest should come in last, if the masters nice, your chances of getting results and completing projects would be doubly high. Don't be so naive to choose titles first, any titles could just grow your interest if you do it smoothly~!

Puzzles of sweet memories

Has missed it for few days, but these few days weren't bored days, there were lots had happened that cause me into troubles, and the otherwise brought sweet memories to me!

First, is lab thing. Ever since we had been revealed on the blackmailing case by PE, and the DNA Pol cases, the seniors and we seem to stay in un-welcomed situation. I felt it especially strong in me, maybe the rest of them didn't really get it, as I was the one with heaviest sin, was the one on chopping board for this incident. Especially I felt terrible with ST, cause I'm not sure how to confront with her, how to communicate with her, and might have little difficulties dealing with other seniors.  I still owe her a thing, which I felt so lazy to return her, but no ways I still have to prepare for her I suppose, if not I might get into troubles as later she claimed back from me. It is like a mini-society there, I wonder, would that happen in my internship or working place later? I hope not. When I see the other labs' seniors and juniors, in harmonious relationship, I was admiring them tremendously. Certainly this lab is best if they can communicate with us smoothly and under proper tender loving care guidances. Now I have no energies to deal with labs' politics plus I need to troubleshoot my FYP which had lots of obstacles to push through, adding that the lab mates are also not in consistent mood and emotion sometimes.

Sometimes, in some occasion, somebody was bored, was silent, was out of mind, was desperate, was too bothered, each of us had been trapped in sorrow once, not only once, and might be thousands in coming times. But this title is indeed fun, if I were given a choice again, I would choose this title, but I would like to access by other masters not them~! They are simply strict, high standard and talented, which I just not compatible to this lab. I was so stress everyday and was not able to go bed properly. Almost each and every time, I dragged myself to bed, and was called up by my friends drooling with saliva with sleepy face that had almost sat still in table for at least half an hour. This lab thing even makes my period stunted for few months.

Now, we have less time staying in lab cause we are waiting the boss "clones"- the most precious and cutiest creatures to grow, no staying over for PCR, as we had been officially banned.

The nice moments now, was the Choon Heong's birthday celebration. That was a nice moment for that gathering. I dressed like a flower, a retro one, and was so content that day. There had been a long time I didn't drunk myself (just a little), and played crazily on the football game, with lots of pictures and nice foods, cakes and treats (the car-treat). That day, I ordered a cocktail, grapes plus orange plus vodka, named something sunrise, was nice, shared with Chia, later Mary gave me a Heneiken and I drank 3 oses of it. That night itself, I was crazily playing and got most times, winning the football games, later joined in Micheal Fatso and Samuel. They noticed me a little wild and so did Mary. She told me the next morning in the lab, so funny! Then on the way back, I spoke loudly, kept laughing, and made noises. Kaith and my friends suspected I was drunk, but frankly speaking, I did not feel that way. The night was fun, relax, and I slept sweetly with a heavy head.

The next morning, I woke up late, at 730am, I was shocked and jumped and yelled like hell, then steadily rush to the lab. Mary and I did felt sleepy and tired. Kaith bought me two bottles of coffee with Mocha, so sweet of him, I liked him that moment. It's so sweet to have someone buy things for you, perhaps this is the first time I received girft breakfast form him. I will never forget this. I really blessed to have so many good friends accompany me at moments, and appreciate it, especially in this cool, harsh FYP period.

As to conclude everything, I felt blessed that having friends around me, seriously, I need warm, I need hope now, eager to jump out of this suffocated deep holes. Soon, the time will reach soon=).

Apology

Today is the worst day that hit me, hit Mary. Both of us were being questioned on the blackmailing thing by PG, that was the dear PE whom borrowed us the used stock of Taq Pol and came to threaten us with barter exchange with cell culture tubes in return. We had predicted this would happen to us as yesterday we felt some tension from the PG from both labs. And we had too, prepared some scenarios where we could answer with uniform, and consistent answers at yesterday's night. This is the worst-to-worst senario that happened out of our prediction. Two PG and PE were sitting at one side, and we had 2 PG and 4 UG sitting at the other side, confronting each other, but the thing is within PG and UG rather than fish lab and immuno lab. This is the worst situation and we never want it to happen, it happened just too fast and unprepared. Their eyes were killing me, they stayed at me with questioning sight, burning me, and yet I was calm, no expression because I couldn't make one.

Only me and mary know the clearest of the situation, because it was really both of us to borrow and rush here and there to get the Taq. Recalled back, I and mary first went to fish lab and asked Jc, then Jc asked us to get from PE whom is the assistant of the lab after SL.Then we asked him and in return he wants something from our lab, knowing the location of cell culture plates, asked us to bring 2 packs for him. We were scared and took it lightly and leaved. Then in lift, we met with Pn Fazia, who is my mentor, I saw she is expecting, though I don't really want to trouble her I came to ask her. I sincerely hope she is fine with this. She agreed to give us the  Taq if her students have enough of it. No consulting masters as she don't have any. We were pleased and went to her lab, who knows met by ST friend's who is RA of Dr Sam. She has responsibilities over Pn Fazia students I suppose, which she approached me and ask my intention. With hesitate, I told her carefully on the truth. But we didn't take any from them as there was no tubes to fill. Later we went back with the used Taq given by fish people, and gave to rest of two UG whom are on way of mixing. Bad news spread fast. Within half an hour, ST came to us with the tube of Taq and warned us that she knew we tried to borrow from Dr Sam'a lab, but we explained that we just asked not taken any, which is true. This might leave her bad image of us about the Taq matter.

Today, when they confronted us, I and Mary confessed. The most shocking part came to us is ST was laughing by the time they questioned us, gosh! What is happening to her? She laughed, don't she remembered how we help her around in the lab, advise her on the matters, especially primer designing, how we fetch her to go and fro from gathering to school? How could she not help us, but laughing at us, waiting to see us being chopped on board? This image clearly captured into my head,  I guess I would never forget about this. She was disliked by me now, the way she acts is double faced, whichever side is winning, her head will be counted in there, so we are losing now, she stepped outside and laughed.

The way KL and SC handled are quite generous to us, although they used to scold us, act cool to us, warn us, but this moment, they are truthfully angry and worrying us. Unlike ST whom just take advantage on us to help her do gel, take protocol from us and so on.  The saddest part is Dr E was totally disappointed by our acts, and yet he appreciated my honesty. When he came in 3pm, the first question he asked us on explaining the situation, I  bravely stood up and confessed everything that it was my idea. And supplemented by Mary, I really appreciate her, as a true friend and comrade. Dr accepted our apologies and he acted so kind to remind, warm and spoke to us. He was really good, I like him so much he is the generous, humble man that be the outstanding lecturer  in this faculty.But his lab has so many demon PG, makes us not liking it that much.

So whatever over should be called to end, as we had done every apologies we could, to masters and Dr E. They had indeed helped us not to blow things big that cause disciplinary actions towards us.  Guess it stops here. End of story, I am glad I still in pieces.

So bad

Being too straight is not a good thing, often u may hurt someone or accidentally stab someone. I was so angry to myself today that I kept being targeted by questions that lead me to throw somebody into hard situation. For instances taking reagents, sharing pcr and also with the action such as spoiled jialee's gel head and delayed someothers work. I was so useless and helpless, I wanted to cry who should I ask for? Who should I tell to? I don't have friends to tell and speak such things. I guess family is the one I will look for comfort but I never cry in front of them or with then over the phone, previously I was too strong in personality thati will not bother to speak sad things to them but now I think I should just like everybody else share the problems with people and let myself being comforted!

Then I spoke to Mary she was so nice she called me but I felt not as much as good to tell other people outside of this situation cause she concerned mostly in her projects than my thing, which is pretty normal. I has just too eager to be loved by people that willing to hear and hug me unconditionally. Eventually she did comfort me stayed with me to such a problem creator.

I hate being in the situation where I can't create values instead bringing problems to them. This is the hard part that I have to faced cause people create problems and learn from that. This is society where we endure with others and meanwhile others also forgive our mistakes. I should not grab things too hard and make myself retain in sorrow too long, I need to jump out quickly and refuel myself and them around with hope before they abandone me!!

So how is tomorrow? How am I going to face all these in front of the people that I may hurt? Oh gosh I have no idea, I wish that I could escape here but no choice, I wanted to cry out and tell loud la come on!!

Rush hour

What is wrong with my result? Again, been bothered by FYP matters. These bands are moody, they are boss-y too. Occasionally they will show up and make you happy and sometimes they just hide from you drive you crazy. For those few months, started from February, we had been doing the PCR, checking bands, and now are going to purify my products. *Oops, seems like to report my scientific work here* The point is I never, neither do we, have a day which is lab-free (Except for weekends), are busy moving around the lab,rush up and down for pcr machine, autoclave machine. We are more closely now, far more than with the original gang. Now people are grouped according to lab, 4 of us are lab flowers, whom can't be split and must be around for lunch, work and outing.

As time goes by, I felt deeply interested in my lab work, although it has been reduced on workload for pcr and no more for rt reaction, yet I still have the slightest hope towards my project. Am I too naive? I couldn't think so far, what I had now might not be sufficient and persuasive for presentation, that's why I need to work more, work smart. I have been prayed 15 minutes for day and 1 hour for night to wish that I could have the most important thing, wisdom to solve my problems, and be intelligent and rational on the analysis. Could I get results, then I can help others as well. The flame for helping others had never been put off in my heart.

Just now one thinking crossed my mind suddenly. When I was in secondary school, I thought going to University is an enjoyable thing, only the passes to get into uni, the "Form 6" is hardest of all, after that would be honey moon years for us. Who ever thought that FYP is so damn difficult, even you have tried harder, got most of parameters right,yet we still gain nothing. FYP also brought us harsh time to come out with proposals. The worst thing is you need to work in a mini-society environment, whereby undergraduates are not welcomed and we have been labelled as people whom spoil things. So, we often have lots of issues with the masters. They kept reagents that don't allow us to take, kept control on the machine usage and ddidn't even prompted us on proper procedure, those path that we had taken was discovered by ourselves, in return with tears and failure.

Our lab is kind of more strict, more tension, and more high standard lab. The facilities are first class, we have our gloves and masks with lots of provision, which I heard other lab are recycling them, the masters are first class as they speak english well, and did excellently for research. Only thing that comes second class is the undergraduates those FYPs whom still have long way to go for FYP, failed all the time, being scolded and bullied by bands. Oh my god, damn the bands, dare to bully us. Okay, lets challenge back them, they would eventually show up! =) Eveyday is so meanignful and rushy, may four of us be together, persist towards the end~!

The one

This is the one that we should appreciate, simply for the FYP that never comes again, simply for the chances that never crush to us again. What is so big if failed to get results? I have been advised that they won't really penalized us much on the data, rather they wish to know whether we are troubleshooting the problems, which is crucial for the learning processes.

In fact, learning is the key for our living, we learn to live, socialize, communicate, study, cook and so on. Skills are transformed into form of knowledges to be utilized as wisdom in solving problems, that is why is interpreted as the common sense of living. Without knowledges, not just academically, ones is not capable of living. There are really ample of things waiting for discoveries and learn as to accept things from this universe into our brain. Such a big embrace could be, if a person is really willingly and being interested in learning. Thus, learning is a fun process, while to bring happiness to one's acknowledgement. Indeed, this learning could never halt at any time, there is saying that learning is a lifelong process.

I really longed for the opportunity to learn things, have the good fortune to be exposed on many skills, and expertise to create value to people. I strongly believe that value creation is the fundamental principle for living. Without the values to create values, ones are just a puppet to live, no goals, not being appreciated, not being valued, is negative to the environment. So, we take and give. Whatever we took from the environment should be replaced with our contribution to balance back the "take".

Had a meeting with DR.e and masters today, is usual lab-meet that hold twice a week. Dr e had been nice to us , which he always managed to draw out picture so nicely that comfort us all the time, being in angel's time. But when he leaves, masters come in, they will pressurize us and reveal truth to us. Usually that is the time we realize the severity of problems. So its demon time. 

Time passes fast, 2 days before was brother's birthday. Funniest thing ever is he rejected cakes, rejected celebration, just a dinner treat was great enough to him. He even started to plan for mother's birthday which falls around the corner. Such a nice kid. I felt so pleased that he could think mature. Hope this family would become better and overcome the karma as time goes on.=)

Magnum

Eating magnum, this is the first time ever I try on this thick chocolate-ty ice cream that bring a taste of king of ice cream of all. Definitely this is king, as the cream is thick and firm, the chocolate is thick. Out of all is sweet. So know about enjoying life, no doubt nowadays people like to reward themselves, including me,thinking of studying whole day long, plus it is hot weather, so I decided to do crazy things, eat magnum!! This was the second ice cream dessert for today, after haagen dazs. 

Today was having a dialogue with Chia, she is my roommate, I admire her calm and last-minutes-well do characteristics, and most shocking of her, is she able to get the highest marks even she did last-minute study. Such a talented girl. I used to have ice cream with her, she is one of a big fans of this. Chat with her on her relationship issues, when speaking on sensitive things, she will technically escape. She is quite a handful on answering questions with skills.

Buy Nescafe or Milo? I dragged in the Vico, then put back to take Nescafe with tumbler, then changed back to Nescafe +7 free. The point here is I was not confident in my choice, and I kept changing my decision, which simply means I don't have a firm stand on my decision, always. Why has this happened? I guess I was lack of experiences and less trained on making a decision. Actually the decision ain't hard to make, there is no right or wrong on each decision, rather there are benefits and disadvantages for each. However, life is all about taking responsibilities to make decisions and bear with it. Failure is not wrong decision had been made, not the road that had not been taken, rather, is not persisting to the end of whatever you are heading to. Not till the last moments, you can't say you are succeeding.

I heard 3 great people sharing on the Harvard University's talks, which are motivate-based talks. They are Bill Gates, J.K. Rowling, and Oprah Winfrey. Out of these three, J.K. Rowling spoke about "life is impossible without failure", subsequently, phrases from Oprah Winfrey that hit my mind is "There is no such thing about failure, it is about changing the course of route", so these two bombarded into my mind and perhaps could sustain me for the next setbacks.

Say and hear 

A first ever enjoyable and relax night after all day of bombarding with notes and fyp things. Crazily, today only watched one animation, strictly only half. Have gone through a few sentences which make me ponder, poor life could be, but not a meaningless and boring life. This makes me think of pushing boundaries to try extravaganza crazy things.

Out of a sudden, I wanted to go banG jump in Macau, wanted to go for a bag pack tour, wanted to detour to some other unplanned journey. There is always hope if you just courageously push through doors, and open your eyes to see, perceive and learn. Still remember I had heard of life is all about learning, de-learning and relearning. Learning indeed is part of the life.

Someone told me as an iron, tough girl, which I admit sometimes that is really who I am, not tough from the root, instead is the protective mask that cover the weaknesses of mine. I guess everybody has one, just happen to I have too less to grab on and that would bring me more comfort if I protect myself first. Besides tough, I am naughty. Yeah, I am playful, if and only if I have the mood to play, otherwise I am a dumb and bored girl.

Don't say me little, I do not accept this label, I wanted to become big girl, whom can be a pillar of the house, be the person that could not be missed in anywhere, my family needs me, my workplace needs me, my society needs me, That is the values I wanted to create!

Heard and done hearing what people said to me, now I wanted to share something with my dear friend. I had encouraged her to become more scheduled, sets targets and out of regularity of doing tasks, may she finds her goals and mission unearth during her accomplishment.

Values to be added is that I wanted to become more glamorous, in the way I think I act and talk, should these become the cosmetic of my spirit, and eternally shines within my soul. I should study more philosophy and apply them, should bring up capable people, starts to embark new interest that refreshes my life, ends the cored life till here.

Chocolates

Today was so tired after lab work. Again everyday can't run away from lab work. Should I look like being bound to lab just as shag an office lady does. Felt relief after meet with drE whom are my supervisor , is a charming, confident, humor and modest lecturer. He was so good and looks professional in giving lectures. That was the reason I wanted to join and become his FYP students do much, because I could learn things and experience more than others do.

But before today, I was too obsessed with results that I could not be optimistic some more, I thought I lost the ability to smile and not longer cheerful in this semester. However after meeting him, I felt today is a refreshing day, because I learnt that this project is not research and result based study, all is about learning, which failure could happens anytime and this should be a fuel that drive us more discussion and mistakes should not be repeated again. This project is about learning, no result is considered as a result . As long as we play it honestly and true to root to our result, then all reagents and cell lines are worth and valued upon to our efforts.

Indeed we learnt, fall, fail and occasionally succeed, but what remains after every lab work is to figure our mistakes and planning for the other day. This has been culture for four of us. I will definitely remembered the hardships that we had been through and the happiness time we spare every time bands shown. There is no way I can forget, we are four in one!! Just pray that got each of us, we will get good results at the end of experiment which is happy endings for us.

For everything that hit us there must be a reason, and these reasons bring us forth to the victory!! Life is like a box of chocolate, we will never know what might comes to us, from forest gump, and we should accept it the luck and the fate, but somehow like it of not we have to eat it. At least once=)) from Joey

Masks

Now KL has been covered by bad air, besides bad weather, the land has also seemed to be polluted by news such as A' prison news, MH, the BOMOH, and the N's 1 bought for chicken and so on. There are lots of bad things hit this beloved and harmony country that smeared the reputation of HER.

What could that be? Would that a sign of the karma that people are in wrong perception of faith and religion? Or simply it is the sign where we should make a change? People often wear themselves a mask in facing the crowd, even an ugliest man can act so gentlemen, even a flower-hearted man can pretend to be loving you so much, even the people whom smile at you could betray and whistleblowed on things that dragged you into miserable, what more in politics?

These days, I had been observing, observe the true and fake people, observe the shine and dim people, always the true and bright ones be valued much in society. I wanted to be a person true to the root, inspire others to be the same. I don't like wearing masks, but recently, while in progress of doing FYP, I found myself to be really dishonest and naughty to certain extent, which exceed my boundaries. Sometimes, I will wear masks to entertain those things which are not interested, for the sake of getting their favorite, this is not right, but being part of society, this attitude of not pissing people off though you don't like them is important! I have met few people in such in my final semester that really pissed me off, for sure, occasionally I would return them back to the masked face, but personally this is not my principle, I used to be very frank in talking. However, this culture of mine had altered because I had learnt lessons in recent. To ask a favor from others, you have to be really down humble and nice even you don't and are not as such. The situation can really shape a person, wield a person to be strong or break them into pieces. This is truth! For the sake of getting results, I ever think of cheating, I ever think of photoshop. out of controlled,  a seed of cheating was bored into my mind, how could that be? In the past, I don't even encourage myself to get tips, to cheat in exam, and allow others to. Now, my principles just gone, no-no, this can't be, I shall look back and find myself.

Early in the morning, when chanting, I felt my soul crying, craving so much and prayed for getting bands~!! I was totally helpless, in facing the people in lab, projects in lab and not even into mood to class. I was ruined by my projects. Please don't think I ironed woman, don't think I am so strong, instead, deep inside my hearts was full of thorns and holes.

However, one thing that I proud to myself is I like to help others, I enjoy the feelings of being a heroine, I indulge into independence, which I could be confident to say that I have faith to change, for this FYP, there must be magic at the end, that could bring us through hard times.

Soul

Anything could happen , listening this song in this moment just shower me the relaxation that I am fully indulge into, after long day of tired lab work. Today loss energetic, because I was not performing well in pipetting, the buffer sticks, not doing well in communicating, dragging time, overlapped time of PCR, and the primers problem. Adding up together of those problems, cumulative guilty and doubtful feelings had ruined my feelings. However this was not too bad, there is still moment I enjoy at the very last moment of my lab day, was realizing Mary's pipette made an error, then only I mixed things less. Finally cause of problems shown and put away clouds of doubt=)

Plane Boeing is now missing, unclear destiny. Recently just too many bad things happen that crush our mood even worse. For me little girl in little world, this lab work is just a pea-sy thing that is extremely small case compared to the politics, the plane and so on. Don't blame don't distress, there are lots of things to bother in outside world, such as kosen-rufu, the endeavor of fighting peace. That's why it's always a remind for me to look up to great people. Nelson Mandela said hope is powerful weapon even when there is nothing left, this is true. A girl shared in UN MEET that a pencil, a book, a child and a teacher could change the world. 

Recall back the purpose of education the purpose of going university, aren't those a pathway to gain happiness and strive for others? Why such mindset and spirit has gone away that doesn't cheer me anymore because of the continuous crush from FYP, shouldn't be!! Stand up hope is the one, grab and pass to others. Creating values is the fundamental goal in life, body is just a cover for soul what really enchanted a person is the soul, we talk we exchange soul, we cry we comfort soul, so where is my soulmate? 

Craving

This is what I feel now, craving for food, in the middle of the night. Just now was rushing on assignments, moments before still struggling whether or not eat something, is hard to make a decision, since eating this late would not be any good.

Discussion on the student house's issue was held in SD house just now, thanks to KOK. T for sharing us on peace proposal, which speaks of value-creating. What is value creating? Basically, it is a call for ourself to reconstruct ourselves by overcoming weaknesses, and prepare to maximize our potential, goes beyond our limit, push through boundaries, take up sufferings of others, and help them. Supposedly, ideally this is the mission of our lives.

How many times we have been bombarded with this concept, and yet we forget, we de-priorities, we ignore the existence of this? I still remember this was once the goal of my study, of my striving, however, as time goes on, things happen to crush our confidence, crush out faith, I am no longer hopeful and as bright as others would think, yet I am still holding on this, not letting go, wish that someday I could go back to me, a bright side of me=)

Hope is everything, as what KOK. t shared us on Mendela's quote "Hope is powerful weapon even though nothing's remain", how to achieve hope? By acquiring wisdom, mastering our mind. How could that be done? By education, for people whom read a lot, they are confident, and are seeing things in global scale, since this universe is big, no such a thing that comes wouldn't pass, nothing could be trapped anyway, people who read a lot are open minded, are productive, are well in expressing, these are people whom in line with human development. Malala, a girl who had once been threatened by terrorist by her age of 15 years old, voiced up at the UN meet with " a pen, a book, a child, a teacher, can change the world", I could say, the girl was brave, hopeful and is surely an awesome noble person in years to come. What more to me, an undergraduate, from a blessed family and country, with such good and secured environment, what had I been done, contribute to this society?

Now, I would say I am hungry and craving for happiness. Yesterday morning a flight MH370 had been reported missing from the sky. Right before the day, was the news of Dr Anwar. I that bothers our country. Too much sad and unfair that hit us, let us not been ruined by disappointment, instead fuel with more hope, and pray for a better future. People with easy containment is always blessed and fortunate. At least I believe to this extent could make me more relief and grounded. This afternoon, I had gone though a video describing what Japanese people wrote on a crushing plane back in 1977. Those are comments to their family, to their loved ones, to their unfinished business, they accepted and prayed for it. What left them the most is the "not-able-to-be", this is the regret feeling that I had ever experienced, during the passing of my dad. That was really moved me, a lot of things happen to be so sudden that we might never have chance to say goodbye, to conclude in a full stop for everything, so many things that we missed could never been able to replace, that's it.

So treat every day as last day, treat every moment as last resolve, left no remain, to utilize our time, live hopeful and fulfilled days ahead.

Library

This is a refreshing, relaxing days which I have time to manage my blog. Just checked back my blog, I have missed out not just 2 days, 5 instead~!! OMG~ This was a busy week, everyday checked in lab at 8am, one even with 7am, back home at 10pm, supper at night, superfat I suppose my body will be><

Done with this whole week, I have gained lots of band, which I prayed hard for it. Everytime I mixed things and reagents I prayed, every time I wait for result, I prayed, everytime I touched the machine, I prayed for them, they are my shoten-zen-jin, must show result!! Huh, that was it for last week. I prayed for getting positive results, so that I can service for others, help others, and may all achieve results together. I remind myself be humble, not ego, be moderate.

Every morning when I prayed, I told myself work hard to through the day, and report victory to gohonzon. There you are, I made it! Every step I made, every action I did was completely blessed, I felt so grateful for things came to me, for the bad and good where all of these have made me a lesson for growing, learning and experiencing.Without them, I might relax throughout semester, but gain nothing. No pain, no gain. These were great pain, total suffer, tortured by the masters and bad results.

But all those happy and sad things will passed, whether or not, we should accept wit open arms, receive and take it, be tough Joey, be strong Joey, conquer weaknesses Joey, I kept bombarding this into my mind, that's why my days are tough, hard-core, till the moment I sleep at night, I could tell that was my fulfilled days without regrets!

Today, I come here, this place, to write my blog, start an energetic day, revising day!

The Power of good

Have missed out 2 days, missed this blog badly, sadly, I had not able to withdraw my time to write things here. These two days had lots of things happen, especially yesterday. Yesterday was a day in my life that I've gotten most bands, which 4 genes in 5 different temperature shown up all on 2 gels!! Though good things happen, bad things will come, the van which never been die off was completely break down yesterday. We were pulling the van inside to the house, back from uni, the van had not been on a single stop which was not able to do so, if not jump start operation has to be performed.

For my boss, known as ah ma in the house, she had lost her pouch with her IC, handphone; and she accidentally crushed the saga side with the gate. She was okay when I saw her during after school, which I did not even noticed anything wrong with her. She had just did the same as my previous time,which personally I think is inevitable (for the car accident).

When we came home, she realised that she forgot to bring her room's key along, which had left inside the room. She was then tried to take another keys on the lock one by one. Finally, she was able to locate one. Such a relief. Another thing is, there was a 'cicak' in the sink, died off nicely,no shrinking of the body. That was shocked me when i used the sink. The house tragedy ended here.

To me, the bands shown was completely a blessed to me, marked advancement in my project, which is fine enough. It covers the bad already. Without the help from plant science's master, we will not get attention of the masters from our lab, she won't test tubes, which she kept saying we lie; without the other masters, we would not have the correct protocol of mastermix, which was not known by all of us; without them, we would not change the thickness of gel and lower the voltage to get the bands, which I got them~!!!

They are my shoten-zen-jin, I have prayed a lot strength of good to help, I appreciate it  so much, and   I am going to dedicate to my friens! =). Do good feel good