So bad

Being too straight is not a good thing, often u may hurt someone or accidentally stab someone. I was so angry to myself today that I kept being targeted by questions that lead me to throw somebody into hard situation. For instances taking reagents, sharing pcr and also with the action such as spoiled jialee's gel head and delayed someothers work. I was so useless and helpless, I wanted to cry who should I ask for? Who should I tell to? I don't have friends to tell and speak such things. I guess family is the one I will look for comfort but I never cry in front of them or with then over the phone, previously I was too strong in personality thati will not bother to speak sad things to them but now I think I should just like everybody else share the problems with people and let myself being comforted!

Then I spoke to Mary she was so nice she called me but I felt not as much as good to tell other people outside of this situation cause she concerned mostly in her projects than my thing, which is pretty normal. I has just too eager to be loved by people that willing to hear and hug me unconditionally. Eventually she did comfort me stayed with me to such a problem creator.

I hate being in the situation where I can't create values instead bringing problems to them. This is the hard part that I have to faced cause people create problems and learn from that. This is society where we endure with others and meanwhile others also forgive our mistakes. I should not grab things too hard and make myself retain in sorrow too long, I need to jump out quickly and refuel myself and them around with hope before they abandone me!!

So how is tomorrow? How am I going to face all these in front of the people that I may hurt? Oh gosh I have no idea, I wish that I could escape here but no choice, I wanted to cry out and tell loud la come on!!